


Adaptation to civilian life

by KillerNinjaPanda



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28264770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerNinjaPanda/pseuds/KillerNinjaPanda
Summary: Thor is making efforts to integrate on Earth. Loki a little less. And when SHIELD decides it's too much, he is forced to attend "meetings" for his greatest misfortune. But when he manages to run away everything will be better because Loki has big plans for the Earth and its people. So let's follow the two asgardians, who knows what will happen.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	1. Loki in a speaking group

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Adaptation à la vie civile](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394010) by [KillerNinjaPanda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerNinjaPanda/pseuds/KillerNinjaPanda). 



> French alert: I am, as you can see, French. I do my best to adapt to English punctuation and grammar rules in general, but some mistakes may have escaped me. Moreover, some expressions that I don't know in English have been translated by online translators. All this to say: do not hesitate to point out an error or a clumsy translation/adaptation to me.  
> This story started from an absurd delirium that is still going on so I told myself that I could translate it. If you like crack, welcome!

The god of lies folded his arms firmly.

\- No, he said.

\- But Loki, tempted his adopted brother.

\- No.

\- Why?

\- For one thing, it's ridiculous. Second, it's absurd. Third, I don't need it.

\- S.H.I.E.L.D. thinks that...

\- I don't care what S.H.I.E.L.D. thinks, Thor! As long as I am alive, I will never go there.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- Hello my name is Julien.

\- Hello Julien!

Loki rolled his eyes. What the hell was he doing there? He glanced at the door. The only door in the room, his only escape route. Unfortunately guarded by his brother who was waiting behind. And also by Tony Stark, who had come to him for the show and was staring out the door glass while eating popcorn. Miserable mortal!

\- That's where I met her and it's thanks to her that I managed to quit drugs. I've been clean for a year, eight months and thirteen days.

\- Bravo Julien!

\- Thank you for confiding in us. Today we welcome a new member. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Loki remained silent as the eyes turned to him. He heard thunder rumbling in the distance. The "gentle" presence of his brother pushed him very slightly to speak.

\- ... My name is Loki, sighed the dark-haired man.

\- Hello Loki!

The god was startled and nervously frowned. But didn't they feel foolish to say hello like that? Considering their strangely creepy smile, no. Loki thought he had said enough, after all he had confided in his first name, it was huge. But the leader of the circle didn't agree.

\- To begin with, why are you here today?

Loki took a moment to think. Not about his answer, but about the risk he was taking if he didn't answer. The thunder would soon come closer. And he didn't want to.

\- Because my brother forced me to, he finally said. I didn't want to come.

\- Well, well... For the therapy to be effective, you'll have to come willingly next time.

\- That's not going to happen, mumbled the god.

\- What's wrong?

\- No, nothing...

\- In that case, perhaps you could explain to us why your brother wanted you to attend this meeting?

Loki clenched his teeth. Why was this human talking to him as if he was two hundred and twenty years old? He wasn't a kid! And then why were all the others looking at him with big eyes while slowly nodding their heads? It was creepy, even for him.

\- Loki?

The god blinked. What did he want again? Ah yes, the reason for his presence.

\- We had some differences between him and me. And with his father.

\- Your father.

\- Sorry, what's that?

\- You said "his father," and it's your brother. So he's both your father. Not just your brother's.

Loki fought his growing desire to send this human into one of the walls covered with posters of smiling mortals. Mostly scary.

\- Yes, he grinned with difficulty. With... Our... Father.

The leader of the speaking group smiles benevolently. Loki looked up to the sky. By the Nine! He was never going to make it...

\- Was that all? Simple quarrels?

\- No.

And he walled himself up in silence. The man obviously thought it was a good start because he left him alone until the end of the session.

\- So we'll meet again on Friday night to review the week. Good day to all.

The first participants were just getting up when Loki had already broken down the door to get out.

\- So brother?

\- You listened, Thor. You know what happened.

Tony put his head over Thor's shoulder and tiptoed. He too wanted to know what happened. And if he could make fun of the ice giant in passing, he wouldn't say no.

\- But what did you think? Did it help you? the blond god repeated.

\- For the last time Thor, I don't need help! And I will never go back. Never again!

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- Hello my name is Nicolas.

\- Hello Nicolas!

\- Welcome among us.

Loki put his chin in the palm of his hand and gazed at the door. Here we go again. While the blond mortal confided in himself about his difficult childhood and the death of his mother, the god of mischief was thinking about how to drown the mortal on his left with his coffee cup. Mmmm. Oh! He would slap her arm when she took another sip! Loki smiled but was interrupted in his evil plan by his new worst enemy, the master of ceremonies.

\- Thank you Nicolas for confiding in us, it's difficult at the first meeting. Loki, you're back, do you wish to speak? Tell us about the torments linked to your family?

But it is that he insisted the bugger! Loki did not appreciate at all that this human tries to get information about him. He wrinkled his eyelids and threw a long glance at him through his black eyelashes.

\- No, he grunted.

\- That's fine.

The organizer's smile froze somewhat.

\- Anna, would you like to tell us how the reunion with your sister went?

The mortal with the coffee cup cleared her throat and Loki got back in her seat. Another pathetic mortal who was about to tell her pathetic and uninteresting life to a group of mortals as uninteresting as she was. What a pain in the ass! He had to figure out how to escape his brother when Thor will try to bring him here next time. Maybe turn into a snake? Thus, Thor's passion for reptiles would make him forget the meeting.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

New week. New session. Loki had not yet managed to escape it. Oh he had tried to transform himself but Tony, always there to piss off the world and in particular his, had very kindly reminded Thor of the meeting...

\- We will all greet Loki who is already in his third session.

Loki made big eyes. They weren't going to...

\- Hello Loki!

Yes, they were. One more time...

\- We'd like you to tell us what you've done wrong in your life. We're not here to judge you. We're here to help you.

The god folded his arms. He doubted it strongly. If these mortals learned that he was largely responsible for the attack on New York, of course they would judge him.

\- Take your time.

Loki looked up at the sky and meticulously observed the ceiling without letting go of a word.

\- ...

\- ...

\- ... Anyone else want to talk in the meantime?

A redheaded mortal timidly raised her hand. Inside, Loki sighed with relief. Yes, he was going to learn the life of an umpteenth human, but for this time he was saved.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Damn it! He had been "voluntarily" participating in these useless meetings for a month. Thor wasn't letting go, neither was SHIELD. Ah. And neither was the head of the therapy...

\- We are always ready to listen to you, Loki.

The god tensed his fingers violently on the armrests of his chair when a new "Hello Loki! "resounded with great enthusiasm. He was going to have a heart attack one day... The god scratched his eyebrow as he thought about it. Maybe if he spoke we would finally leave him alone? Loki took a deep breath.

\- ... I wanted to kill my father, my brother's father at last. I'm his adopted brother. But it was all to kill my father, the real one this time. So I killed him by bringing him and his army into my father's house. Adoptive. And I was able to kill my father. My real father. In the meantime I tried to kill my brother and his friends. Several times. I almost succeeded. Then I made it look like I was dead. Several times. Then I met an alien, I am a god, who gave me a cube to increase my powers. So I tried to take control of the Earth. But my brother and his new friends some "heroes" prevented me.

A heavy silence settled in the room as Loki continued.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki, with a bounding step, joined Thor who was waiting for him in front of the building.

\- So brother? Did you speak this time?

\- Yes. It was very relaxing, Loki said, stretching. Even though these mortals have a very limited open-mindedness.

\- Oh. Did you talk to them about... All of them?

\- Of course I told them about them Thor. This is a support group, isn't it?

Thor hesitated. Yes, from what he had been told the purpose was to tell his life story, but he still doubted the reactions of the midgardians to Loki's various announcements. Especially concerning his children...

\- Even... Even Sleipnir ? asked the blond man, following his brother who was happily leaving in the busy streets of New York.

\- I started with Sleipnir. Shall we go for a coffee, brother?


	2. Loki and Thor at the café

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French alert: I am, as you can see, French. I do my best to adapt to English punctuation and grammar rules in general, but some mistakes may have escaped me. Moreover, some expressions that I don't know in English have been translated by online translators. All this to say: do not hesitate to point out an error or a clumsy translation/adaptation to me.
> 
> Would you like to read a text about Thor and Loki having an absolutely banal time in a café? You want to read descriptions of cafés that don't interest many people? Do you just have time to waste? Then this text is for you!

The gods stopped in front of the window of a large café. Loki gauged it with his eyes. That would be enough. After all it was just a coffee with Thor, nothing extremely important.

\- Hello gentlemen, inside or outside?

\- Outside, Loki replied immediately.

\- Well, please follow me.

The two brothers followed the man who greeted them to a table on the terrace.

\- Please sit down.

A moment later he disappeared and returned to give them menus before slipping away again. The two asgardians began to analyze the drinks and pastries on offer.

\- May I take your orders gentlemen?

The gods glanced briefly at the waiter, impeccably dressed, who bowed slightly toward them, sliding his tray under his arm. Loki nodded his head and pointed his finger at a picture of one of the coffees on offer.

\- I'll take that. A... One, uh... How do you pronounce that thing?

\- It's a mocaccino, sir.

\- Humph, Loki snorted. And what is it exactly?

\- Well...

The waiter hesitated and looked at the god, wondering if he was serious. First, he would order first and only ask afterwards what he had ordered, which was still strange. Secondly, it was the first time a customer had ever asked him such a question. This coffee shop was very famous and usually only the purists of hot drinks came here. But from the look Loki gave him over his menu, the waiter understood that he was serious. He scratched his throat and spoke out, taken aback.

\- It is a cappuccino with cream and chocolate, we also add cocoa powder but, if you wish, we can replace the chocolate with chocolate liquor.

\- And what is a cappuccino?

This time the server wavered. He must have been dreaming, wasn't he? Not wanting to lose his job, he regained his composure and cleared his throat again.

\- A sweet espresso with a milk foam, sir.

Loki gave him a long glance that made the waiter feel terribly uncomfortable before a micro smile arrived on his lips. He wanted to ask what an espresso was...

\- I'll have a mocaccino then. With liqueur. Did you choose? Loki then asked his brother.

Thor ran his fingers over his cheeks and thought.

\- An iced coffee, he finally said.

\- And with this, gentlemen? asked the waiter, relieved that the blond man didn't ask him any questions.

\- A cheesecake, Thor suggested, looking at Loki.

The latter frowned. No idea what a cheesecake was. In fact, Loki was craving a pudding. But, this dessert was not on the menu and he had to admit that he had absolutely no desire to argue with the waiter again. So he agreed.

\- Will that be all?

\- Yes.

\- I'll get this to you gentlemen as soon as possible.

The gods replied vaguely, unaware of how lucky they were to have such a polite waiter, and returned their menus. Good. What were they going to say to each other now? They were not going to look each other in the whites of their eyes until their orders arrived. Thor broke the silence.

\- Loki I think...

\- Yes I admit it. Maybe, maybe you were right.

Thor looked at his brother in awe. Loki who said he was right? That was a first!

\- All things considered, this "speaking group" was very entertaining. At least this time. The other times... Listening to these mortals complaining in group about their pitiful existences... It was a real hell, grumbled the god of lies.

The Nordic god did not answer. To tell the truth, he didn't know what to say. And he was still partly shocked by his brother's revelation. His brother had admitted he had made a mistake. It was going to confuse him for a while. As they fell back into silence, Loki's gaze wandered over the glass surfaces of the buildings opposite the café's terrace. He felt a slight pinch in his heart. If his plan hadn't failed he could have taken control of those buildings, and the whole world. The god sighed, lowering his shoulders.

\- Your orders gentlemen.

\- Thank you!

\- Thank you, Loki mumbled vaguely as he grabbed the cake wrapper from the side of his cup.

And as he meticulously opened the plastic surrounding a speculoos, Thor grabbed his cup and slipped the straw of his drink between his lips. This was obviously the only reason he had ordered the drink, so he could play with the straw. His brother watched him frown, but Thor didn't care. He chewed the piece of plastic and moved it from the left to the right of his tongue as he watched the many cars drive by.

After sipping half of his coffee, he put the cup down and went for the cheesecake. Attacked was the appropriate term because the poor innocent cake was devoured in an instant. In front of him, the brown man had tasted a spoonful of it, swallowed the speculoos, which he had found rather good, and only got back the top of his cup, namely the whole creamy part. The rest of the drink would wait, the god had started making origami with his napkin.

\- What do you do?

\- A wolf.

\- ... Do you miss Fenrir?

Loki blew gently, making a final counter-folding that gave the final touch to the animal's ear.

\- Of course, he admits without complex. He is so adorable, how could it be otherwise?

Thor nodded his head as he glanced at the abandoned cheesecake in front of his brother. He loved all his nephews and Fenrir could indeed be lovable, but especially with his father. He was... Slightly wilder with other people. And the few Asgard soldiers who had lost an arm could hardly approve of Loki's claims. So to say that Fenrir was adorable was as true as it was false. Although Thor never, ever said those words in front of his brother. If one cared about his life at all, one would not say anything negative about the asgardien's children. The blue eyes of the god did not come off the cheesecake.

\- Take it if you want it so much, but stop drooling Thor," Loki growled as she pushed the plate with the cake towards him.

The blond man grabbed his spoon and ate his second slice a little more quietly while taking regular breaks for a sip of the refreshing coffee. Loki watched him for a moment, then grabbed his cup and quickly but stylishly drank from it.

\- Mmm. Nothing unusual, he said, resting the now empty white cup in his cup.

So the midgardians were paying huge sums of money for this? Rather pitiful. Except for this speculoos. Very nice. A particularly irritating and unpleasant noise reached the ears of the dark-haired god. Thor sucked up the last traces of his coffee in an atrocious din.

\- Thor I think there is not a single drop of liquid left in this cup, stop this noise! Damn it, it should be forbi...

Loki's green eyes fixed on Thor who did not even notice him. This time the god was concentrating on the humans passing by the terrace.

\- Oh yes, Loki whispered to himself. I just have to forbid it

\- Hmm? Thor asked, still with the end of his straw in his mouth. Were you talking to me?

Loki stood up abruptly and snapped his fingers, making several bills appear on the table.

\- Let's go! I have a great idea.

The blond man pushed his straw from the tip of his tongue until it came out of his mouth. The dark-haired one was already leaving, so Thor suddenly put his cup on the table and set off in pursuit of his brother.

\- I'm going into politics Thor, Loki explained as they walked away from the café together. My slogan will be "Let's live well, let's live without humans"*.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *it rhymes in the original but I couldn't find anything in English.  
> To develop during lines and lines a coffee order which would have been folded in an instant is... mesmerizing.  
> You liked it and you want to see Loki as president? Then don't hesitate and leave a review!


	3. Loki president

"First of all, the image you project is important, the public will judge you at first glance. You must reflect a welcoming, reassuring image. So avoid aggressive tones. Depending on the audience you are targeting, change your style. Find out about fashion trends or choose a style that is deliberately offbeat. But don't forget that you have to feel good. You will immediately notice if you wear clothes without feeling comfortable. So if you want to change radically, take the time to get used to it before exposing yourself to others".

Loki yawned and blinked as he put his chin on the desk. He looked up to follow the man talking on his computer screen. How annoying that mortal was... And to think that he was supposed to be one of the best in his field. Loki stood up and pressed the space bar on his keyboard, pausing the video. Basically he wasn't supposed to come in red and with blond hair? Well... Red and blond? That was exactly Thor. Of course he wasn't supposed to be like his brother! You don't need to be a so-called expert to know that! The Jotun scratched the back of his head, he had been preparing his campaign plan for weeks, which he then wanted to present to the Avengers. They were humans, he wanted an opinion from the people of Earth. But he wasn't going to talk to mere mortals on the street! So he had come to the conclusion that Thor's friends would be perfect for his first test.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

On an image of Loki posing underneath his slogan, the projector turned off and the room turned on again. Loki, in a neat suit and tie and with his hair neatly combed, presented himself to the group of humans, proud of his presentation. He had mastered the PowerPoint tool! What a brilliant breakthrough! It was not his brother who could do that. He didn't even know what a telephone was for.

\- So? What do you think? he asked with eyes shining with curiosity.

Tony dropped his pen to the floor, Bruce scratched the back of his head, Natasha elbowed Clint who had fallen asleep, Steve lifted his head from the notebook in which, as the top of the class, he had carefully taken notes and Thor remained silent, also waiting for the Avengers' opinion on his brother's project.

\- Uh... How shall I put it, began the Russian who did not really want to offend the god because he could be angry and resentful. "Let's live well, let's live without humans" is a bit... Extreme.

\- Is it?

Loki seemed destabilized by this information. He thought it was a good slogan. It rhymed too*. Anything that rhymes is good, right?

\- You can't become president by promising to kill those who voted for you, Tony explained. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense that I'm telling you how to succeed in politics either. I'm not even a professor of Political Science and besides... Why do I keep talking to you?

Tony interrupted himself and engaged in an inner dialogue with a frown. Clearly Tony left hemisphere was in conflict with Tony right hemisphere. The question was who would take control. The super-soldier jumped at the opportunity, Tony, who was silent, it was too rare not to take advantage of it.

\- I really like the colors of the posters, said the Cap'tain putting the tip of his pencil on one of the pages of his notebook. The layout too, they are very sought-after. It reflects an image of movement, of change. And change is important.

\- Steve! cut Tony off, preferring to postpone his discussion with himself until later, while Loki smiled cheerfully delighted that someone was appreciating his work.

\- What?

\- We mustn't encourage him, he wants to kill humans. The. Humans. Us! We are humans!

\- Yes, we are. The slogan, said the blond man turning a page.

He reread several times what he had written down.

\- Indeed, I think we need a more singing one.

\- Singing? repeated Thor who didn't see what his friends might have to say about his little brother's project.

\- Yes, when I made public appearances to encourage the troops...

\- That was propaganda, Steve, Bruce interrupted him.

The super-soldier looked down for a moment and preferred to silently plunge back into his notes. He blackened a corner of the page with a pencil. He didn't really feel like getting into a debate. For him it wasn't propaganda. He had just been able to serve his country and encourage people to do the same. It was a generous act. No? Loki played for a moment with the projector's remote control before speaking again.

\- Then you wouldn't vote for me?

\- Absolutely not, Tony and Clint answered in unison.

\- No," Natasha sighed crossing her arms.

She still didn't understand why she had agreed to come.

\- Me neither, Bruce said.

\- Of course brother, Thor smiled affectionately.

\- Well, if we change the slogan, Steve began before taking a murderous look at himself from the rest of the team.

The soldier coughed and closed his notebook.

\- We'll have to see," he finally says.

Loki sadly lowered his shoulders. While he had made efforts to try to take control of the Earth in a perfectly legal and democratic way, the Avengers still didn't offer him any support. Except for his brother and the walking Star-Spangled Banner.

\- What if I promised not to hurt the midgardians?

\- We wouldn't believe you Loki.

\- But what if it's true? And then all politicians make promises, don't they?

The Avengers exchanged glances. Loki really seemed motivated in his political career. Maybe a little support wouldn't hurt. If he were to get into it, he might forget his murderous desires.

\- Steve, your turn, said the Russian spy with a small hand gesture.

\- Well, I suppose that would simplify everything. If you take away your plan to kill your electorate it should go better.

\- And it might work?

\- If people are crazy enough to vote for an alien who wants to exterminate them," Tony laughed, shooting at his pen that he hadn't picked up.

But Loki was gone in his dreams.

\- That way I would be elected and I would take control of New York, then the United States, then America, then the whole Midgard, he monologued with the look of a child who has just been given a gift. I will enslave the human race and use it to create an army to control the entire galaxy.

The team of superheroes stared at him in silence. The god had just explained that he still intended to take control of the Earth. And the galaxy? And he seriously wanted help?

The door of the room slammed brutally behind the heroes.

\- Wait! Acknowledge that my brother is making an effort, Thor said.

The god of thunder looked at the dark-haired man chewing his lips.

\- I'm sorry, my brother. But they can't forget what you did.

Loki crossed his arms sulking. One day he would take control of this cursed planet. No matter the means, he would succeed at all costs. Reflecting at full speed, a small smile slowly appeared on his lips. So that... It was genius, it was wonderful, it was magnificent, it was... It was just him. Loki shrugged his shoulders as he walked out of the room. The Avengers were stopping him from playing by the rules? No problem, he was going to play against them. And starting tomorrow.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Tony's glass crashed to the ground in a thousand shards.

\- What the hell is this?!

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Steve knocked in a bag before turning to the screen that was playing the news.

\- Well...

He stopped his workout and removed the bandages protecting his phalanges.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Clint slowly took his phone out of his pocket.

\- Hello Tony?

\- At the HQ right away!

\- Thanks for asking, it's going very well.

But Tony had already hung up. Clint put his phone back in his pocket and looked down at the knife firmly against his throat. Then on the hand that held the knife, and finally on the face of the redhead whose hand it belonged to.

\- Tony need us 'tasha, we're going to have to postpone training.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- Immediately Bruce! Do you understand? Bring him here immediately!

Tony wiped his forehead on the back of his hand. He couldn't feel it. He didn't feel it at all...

\- And tell him to buy a phone, he ended up shouting before hanging up. Bloody asgardians...

Bruce put his phone on the coffee table. To think that he had barely settled in... The scientist grabbed his suit jacket and got up, just when the Nordic god with whom he normally had to spend some time around a beer arrived.

\- Thor, good timing, we're going back to the Tower, Tony wants to talk to us. It concerns your brother.

The asgardian frowned and turned back, following in the doctor's footsteps. It had to be about Loki for him to miss a pint of beer.

\- Oh, and by the way, Tony would like you to buy a phone.

\- What for?

\- To... Never mind, forget it.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- Crisis meeting.

\- I'm willing to believe you, Tony. What is this absolute mess? Who let him do this?

\- Thank you, Clint, extremely relevant intervention. Anyone else have a comment to share? Preferably something we didn't already know," Tony finished by giving the SHIELD agent a stern look.

Clint shamelessly averted his eyes, putting the philanthropist's remaining vague patience to the test.

\- I don't see what the problem is, my brother has found a job. That's all I see.

\- ... Are you serious?

The blond nodded calmly and Tony clenched his fingers on the metal table.

\- A job! Let's talk about that job. President of the United States? Your brother... Sitting in the White House making a speech on television from the presidential lounge, do you find that normal? You say there is no PROBLEM?

\- Calm down Tony, Pepper calmly intervenes.

\- CALM DOWN?! THIS MADMAN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

\- Would you excuse us for a moment?

The rest of the team nodded as Pepper pulled Tony into the hallway. The sliding door cut off the billionaire's whining. Everyone turned to Steve who seemed to be thinking about the meaning of life. Natasha spoke calmly.

\- What do we do now?

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- What do I do now?

Loki, in a dark suit, soberly dressed with snake cufflinks tapped the thick desk with his nails. He moved his chair back and put his heels on a file decorated with the logo of the secret service. The green eyes of the god swept across the oval desk. His fingers tapped nervously on the black armrests. He was getting bored again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *in the original, yes "vivons bien, vivons sans humains"
> 
> I know, I know, in the end Loki doesn't spend so much time as president but who knows, maybe he'll come back later?
> 
> So it's at this point that running out of ideas (it happened very quickly) I proposed to the readers to choose what Loki was going to do. If you have any ideas you are free to leave suggestions.


	4. Loki billy goat breeder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Why this text...? It so happens that when I posted chapter 3 and proposed to the readers to choose what Loki would do next, I had the misfortune to add "please don't tell me a goat breeder". As a result, I was asked to do it (thank you Korean Panda).
> 
> Okay the second thing to know for this text is the nicknames that Tony gives to Loki in French.  
> We have "tête de bouc" (“goat's head”) in relation to the horns of the helmet (problem, in French we have "chèvre" for the female goat and "bouc" for the male goat and this is the basis of my first joke. Why is it the same word in English? T-T Anyway my intense research led me to "billy goat" so I'll just put this word and we’ll say it's good). Tony also call him the "néogothique" (“neoghotic”) probably because Loki is actually an emo teenager.  
> This being said, here we go! In the joy and the delicious musky smell of the goats – billy goats!

In the SHIELD vehicle, the Avengers were beginning to find the time long. Especially the archer. Well yes, obviously the archer. With the agent's temperament it was sure that he would crack before Dr. Banner.

\- Welcome to the countryside, Clint grumbled. May I ask why we're still following him? He gave up the presidential post, he didn't destroy the planet, he left in the middle of nowhere to raise goats! Why don't we leave him alone?

\- Billy goats, not goats.

Hawkeye rolled his eyes.

\- It's true that it makes all the difference.

\- Would you eat billy goat cheese? Natasha asked.

\- Yuck no, grimaced the archer. Can you imagine where come from the... milk.

\- Then it makes a difference, replied his teammate.

\- Your discussions are disgusting, grumbled Tony as he turned to them.

\- Are we really getting into this, Tony?

\- ...

\- That's what I thought. And watch the road!

After many complaints from Officer Barton, the vehicle stopped near a fence. A small building half stone, half wood not far away. The doors of the car opened and slammed into the Avengers' back.

\- Well, let's go get the aliens, Tony said cheerfully, delighted at the idea of finding his favorite asgardian to make fun of him for the umpteenth time.

\- Is that Loki over there?

\- Where?

\- The guy sitting on the rock. He's literally the only person for miles around Clint, you could make an effort.

\- Yes, Natasha, the officer politely replied, nodding his head.

As the small group approached the rock where the Asgardian was depressed, the animals lying at his feet got up.

\- Wow. He's gone? asked Tony with a smile up to his ears.

\- I'm here, you idiot!

\- Oh! I couldn't tell the difference with your charming animals. It's the horns, added the billionaire. Very pretty horns by the way. Do you sleep with your helmet on?

Loki glanced at the most unbearable mortal in New York with a haughty look. At least, as haughty as he could be surrounded by billy goats who were bawling so much. In front of the humans, Loki sadly stared at his feet. How had he come to this?

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- Breeders give up their jobs because it's too much trouble?

Loki rubbed his chin. Sheep were more interesting than New Yorkers. No, but wait a minute. Do you see a difference between sheep grazing in a meadow and New Yorkers with their coffee cups in the street? No ? It's normal. The two groups blindly follow each other while eating or drinking. On the other hand, some are less careful about who tells them what to do. Loki didn’t think twice before leaving the presidential seat, packing up his luggage and teleporting himself in the middle of a huge field in the American West. A billy goat raised its head and chewed its blades of grass, staring blankly at him. It was in the next second, when several animals tried to graze his clothes, mainly his pants and shoes, that Loki realized that this was probably not a "great plan”.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

\- Hello!

The Avengers hardly averted the gaze of a Loki adulated by his animals to discover a radiant Thor. The blond had followed his brother — but does that really surprise anyone? — and had adapted rather well to life in the country. He wore blue jeans, a pale shirt and a large straw hat. His colleagues tugged at the abrupt change from god in armor to country man in wooden shoes.

\- Thor, what are you doing?

\- I've been wondering about that for centuries, Loki grumbled, throwing a threatening foot at a billy goat that was a little too affectionate.

The animal retreated, shoving its fellow goats, which immediately bawled at who better to do so. Loki rubbed his forehead and walked away towards the cottage, pestering. Thor, with a wave of his hand, invited the small group to do the same. Tony rushed over immediately, he was really looking forward to commenting on the inside of the cottage.

\- Isn't it too small in your house?" asked the brown man before even going through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit that I write anything but I wasn't going to write too much about goats either. That's more of a bonus. Ridiculous and absurd but a bonus. On the other hand, I'm thinking that there might be a way to do a sequel... It's crazy how this story has completely deviated from the original idea. At the beginning it was supposed to be centered on the psychological side of Loki, how he reacted to everything that happened to him, the manipulation of Thanos... And now I send him to do breeding. I lost control.


	5. Special: Loki and Earth studies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... or come and revise the notions of high school science students.  
> Hop a special chapter like that for fun. With an unmotivated Loki, a cheerful Peter as usual and a vaguely joy-killing Tony. A shock team in short!

Loki had always wondered why studying. Well, not really why, rather why study in this way? He who loved to read would have preferred to lock himself up in a library and just read all the books available in all possible and imaginable subjects. But no. He must have listened to former military men rehashing ancient tactics to warn of an attack on Asgard while he stayed in the palace when his brother went to play a game of hit-and-run with his friends. He must have learned to behave like a prince and envoy of Asgard when all he wanted to do was stay locked up and never speak to anyone.

On the other hand, he had to ask himself to learn magic with his mother. He had to fight to be allowed to fight with daggers and not with an axe. It was as if the whole Asgard teaching system was not for him. And that wasn't cool. Not cool at all.

Then Loki had discovered the Earth's educational system and was delighted to have been raised on another planet. Midgard's teachings were even stranger and less useful than what he had learned. Loki had once watched over the shoulder of the young spider what he was doing in his notebook. And he didn't understand anything, letters and strokes all over the place. Arrows, single or double. Strange little drawings. But Loki still wondered what these strange little symbols were.

"They are molecules, Mr. Loki! There, half-reaction equations and here topological representations. There is a carbon cycle and here a double bond. It's the basis of organic chemistry, it's funny and super simple. »

Simple. Humph. It was as simple as listening to a twelve thousand year old man tell how he once chopped off the head of a black elf was thrilling. In other words, it was boredom itself. But the teenager seemed to be having the time of his life.

"That's how I was able to get my web-shooters working! Isn't it great?"

Loki raised an eyebrow and walked away. He really didn't understand this planet.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"NNYYYYOOOOMMMM!

\- Peter! Stop running around!

\- But Mr. Stark... I'm explaining the Doppler effect to Mr. Loki."

Peter pointed to a Loki, dismayed, slumped in the living room sofa.

"High, NYYY. Then low, OOMMM! The sound goes towards the high frequencies when it approaches us, then towards the low frequencies when it moves away.

\- Pete, I don't think you're talking to the right person. The alien doesn't seem to be involved. »

Indeed, Loki had just gotten up and left the living room with his hands in his pockets. Peter heroically raised his fist.

"I'll make it, he'll be interested in studying!

\- Go back and study for your next exam instead.

\- Yes Mr. Stark!"

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"I think, therefore I am. By René Descartes. Basically, one can doubt all that surrounds us because nothing proves that it is not just our imagination but one cannot doubt his own existence. Because if one thinks, one exists forcibly. Well he says it better, but that's the idea. You know what I mean? »

Loki looked up from his newspaper to see Peter, who had been eagerly presenting several philosophers and their most famous quotations for almost an hour. For any answer, he raised his journal a little more in front of his face so that he could no longer see the teenager. I can do it," Peter exclaimed inwardly.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"The integral represents the area delimited by the curve, representative of the line of equation e^1/2x and the lines of equations x=... Are you listening to me, Mr. Loki?"

Loki, eyes wide open, stared at the white board on which Peter was scribbling numbers and letters. But what was he doing? Why was he doing it? What's the point of doing all this?

"Oh wait, I'll draw the curve, that'll help you."

Loki shook his head negatively. He doubted that strongly. Nothing could help to understand such a thing.

"We can do derivatives if you prefer. Derivatives are easy and fun. »

Loki leapt to his feet and left the room in a gust of wind. The last time Peter had found something funny he had almost blown up one of the Tower's laboratories by playing with chemistry.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Holà. Me llamo Peter y tengo dieciocho anos. Soy una banana y me encanta la paella. Mi casa es tu casa ! Soy el guardián de la arena. »

Loki looked away, even though he didn't speak Spanish, what Peter was saying didn't really make sense to him. To Tony's desperate look at Peter, his approximate mastery of other languages came as no surprise.

"Ich will meinen kleinen Jungen sehen ! Da kommt er. Ich will meinen kleinen Jungen sehen !

\- What's he still talking about, Tony? asked Steve when he saw Peter humming in German.

\- I don't even want to know.

\- He's an viiinnne! I translated it!

\- I said I don't want to know Peter!

\- RIP Vine," sighed Peter in his corner.

Loki scanned the room, looking for an escape from the hell he was stuck in.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"We worked on chemistry, math, philosophy, Spanish and German. We still have history, French, physics, biology and we'll be good."

Loki yawned at Peter's overwhelming enthusiasm.

"Do you have a preference, Mr. Loki? I don't really like History but if you want we can start with that. Even if I prefer to do science. I like physics. You already know the Doppler effect but do you know quantum physics? It's based on the wave-particle duality of photons that behave either as a wave or as a particle. And you know what the strangest thing is? As soon as you try to observe the phenomenon, you don't get the expected result."

Loki nodded gently, the passion of the young hero was communicative.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"That's the First World War, that's the Second World War, that's the Civil War, that's the Cold War, that's the Korean War, that's the Indochina War, that's the War of Independence, that's the Algerian War, that's the Vietnam War, that's the..."

Loki frowned as he watched the archival footage that Peter was scrolling before his eyes.

"The Armenian genocide, the Jewish genocide, the Rwandan genocide..."

More death, always more death. The history of this planet was stained with blood. Why make children learn that?

"It's not very happy, sighed Peter. We're going to do geography instead. Oh yes! We can play the game of capitals! I give a country, you give the capital. You know the cap... Well, no, of course not. It doesn't work with you."

Loki supported Peter's remark with a nod of his head. No, he didn't know anything about countries and capitals.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Rather semi-conservative schema or functioning of a neuromuscular synapse? Both are rather useless and boring but the study of pebbles in magmatism in subduction zone is not really exciting either. Do you know the difference between a blue shale metagabbro and a green shale metagabbro? Yeah no, me neither. However, if you ever want to make a granite countertop, I can confirm if it is really granite or not. It is with the minerals present in the rock that we determine it. Do you mind if we change the subject? We can talk about the different ways plants defend themselves..."

Peter quickly scanned his handout with his eyes before raising his head.

"It's not crazy, though. We'd better go watch a movie."

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"No, but what's all the noise?

\- Mr. Stark! With Mr. Loki we are watching a pirate movie.

\- But why is the sound so loud ? From my office I can hear what they're saying.

\- Hum... We thought the lines were really classy.

\- To the point of listening to them so loudly?

\- Yes, Peter answered timidly, twisting his fingers. Que ce jour reste à jamais gravé dans vos mémoires comme celui où vous avez failli capturer le capitaine Jack Sparrow...?

\- ... At least you speak French, sighed Tony.

\- Je veux un cheeseburger," Loki said softly as he came up behind Peter.

The teenager's eyes widened as a bright smile came to his lips. Loki had spoken! In French! Loki had listened to his French class before they started the film. Loki had been paying attention to what he had been saying for a week. The young man was completely euphoric. Tony was divided with him, should he respond to God's request? No. But on the other hand... Loki wanted a cheeseburger. Ah, what a dilemma for the genius who was caught up in his feelings.

"Je veux un cheeseburger aussi," added Peter.

Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay everyone in the car. I know a great place."


	6. A Loki in the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On this chapter I completely cracked at one point and I am not entirely satisfied. So on this ladies and gentlemen, with all your indulgence and sympathy, on an original idea from Korean Panda (on ff net): Loki, logger (at the base of the idea)  
> Take out the lighters, it's going to get hot!

The breeding of billy goats was over for Loki! Folded, put away, forgotten, behind him. Far behind him. Mainly because it was too boring. And a little too much in the middle of nowhere in hindsight. And it made Tony laugh too much. Which was of course unacceptable for the Jotun.

So he had packed his bags again, he was starting to get used to it now. After the latest events, Loki had to get back to his priorities. Dominate the Earth. He found it hard to admit it, but the animals had distracted him from his main objective. He had to admit that a billy goat was still fun. Of course not when he was trying to eat his clothes, but otherwise, it was quite an entertaining animal. Finally, he had to stop being distracted so easily, it was ruining his business. So in order to refocus on his priority and his goal for so many years, controlling the middlemen, Loki had returned to New York feeling blue because of his previous failures.

After several days of intense blues under the suspicious eye of most Avengers, he had regained his lucidity and could now quietly prepare his next attempt. Being president hadn't been very effective, too many papers to fill out and agreements to sign before he could do what he wanted. And then having to deal with all kinds of boring stories all the time was a drag. Nyanyanya risks World War III, blah blah blah demonstrations that go awry... He needed a more ancestral method, more... Royal. Becoming King of Midgard was his new goal. He was going to become such a great king that mortals would rush to him to obey him. He should have thought of it sooner. In retrospect it was obvious and much more fun than the being president.

So he needed a crown, a jester and a castle. Loki stared at his brother who was fighting a toaster and mentally checked the second item on his list. Then he reflects calmly, ignoring the noise of the toaster that ends up embedded in the worktop and the screams of Stark that went with it. Where and how to make a castle, such were the questions. Should it launch a big construction site to compete with the castles of the Loire Valley? Should it simply make a small fort in the middle of nowhere? The second possibility seemed more accessible and more quiet. No annoying mortals to thwart his plan if he was far enough away from the big cities.

"Thor drops this toaster, he's obviously stronger than you."

"That's because you haven't seen it now," replied the blond man, staring at the toaster, which had been reduced to an unrecognizable piece of junk.

Loki looked at what was left of the poor toaster with raised eyebrows. There he understood the anger of the genius. A brand-new toaster that had been smashed to bits...

"Forget this gadget, we have to find a forest."

And so it was that a few days later, Thor, armed with Stormbreaker, cut trees in the middle of the forest while Loki, magic hands in action, installed enormous rocks to materialize the foundations of his future castle. In a few turns of the hand, he would then cut out the tree trunks and assemble, plank after plank, what still looked like a large hut. After weeks of hard work, especially for the blond god, Loki finally sat down in his throne room. Okay, well, more like in his room with an armchair. For the real throne, it wasn't that yet.

~And that's when my brain cracked...

_Aerial shot on forest._

The Loki is an animal difficult to observe in the wild. Unfortunately, there are only few specimens and even less in captivity. When we manage to follow a Loki in his natural habitat, we must be patient and discreet to succeed in surprising him. Today, we are in one of the largest reserves in the United States where a Loki has illegally taken up residence. We will try to follow him for twenty-four hours to see what a typical day of a wild Loki looks like.

_Cut. In the middle of the woods, a building can be discerned._

Here we can see a large wooden building. The Loki built it with his own hands in order to protect himself from any outside attack. However, for you, we will try to get closer and observe the Loki closely.

_Cut. We see Loki entering by the main gate of the castle._

Beneath his innocent airs, although he traps few people nowadays, the Loki is an evil being. Beware of his strange powers such as duplication, feigning death, and also attacking with small knives. Probably its most fearsome.

_Cut. Between the trees, one can discern Thor._

Over there, behind those trees, you can see an ally of the Loki. It is a Thor in the prime of life who puts himself at the service of the Loki out of pure affection. A mystery that science still hasn't solved to this day.

_Cut. Infiltration of the camera between several planks._

Taking advantage of a breach in the walls and a drop in attention from the Thor who was taking a nap, we managed to get in.

_Cut. Hidden camera effect showing a rather large room._

This is the "throne" room of the Loki. Indeed, this species has a great need for attention and recognition. Our Loki seems to take himself for a king. A most interesting megalomania to observe.

_Cut. Zoom on Loki's head._

If we get a little closer we can even notice that the Loki made himself a crown...

"Stark turns off this camera !"

"Shit, spotted," yelped Tony as his face was covered by his armor.

The genie took off vertically, crossing the ceiling, and flew away into the sky. With his camera still active, Tony continued his voice-over.

"Due to risks to the survival of our special envoy, our report will focus on these aerial images of the nature reserve. Thank you for your loyalty to Stark Cam and see you soon for another episode!"

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"He gets on my nerves. He pisses me off, he pisses me off!"

Loki was fulminating. This little mortal hiding in a metal box was ridiculously unbearable. Hoping to get over his nerves by destroying something, Loki angrily threw a fireball against a wall. He then observed, fascinated, the wall that was catching fire. Out of a simple scientific spirit, he repeated the experiment on a new board. The flames grew and licked the ceiling. Loki frowned when the heat reddened his face and left the room with a brisk step, throwing his crown into the blaze.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Hum. That's unfortunate," mumbled the brown as he rubbed his chin.

Thor approached behind him yawning. He had just woken up from his nap. Not by will, just by animals running away at full speed in the opposite direction of their construction.

"The castle is on fire," he remarked.

"Absolutely," replied his brother, taking a step back to avoid a falling beam.

It exploded at his feet, sending pieces of charred wood in all directions.

"Why is the castle on fire?" said the blond man, staring at a wall that would soon collapse.

"Mmm... An accident," Loki replied with a careless shrug. "Probably a match, accidentally fallen to the ground."

"A match? A match would have burned down the whole building? "Thor asked, looking heavily at his brother.

It wasn't the first, and certainly not the last, time that Loki decided to burn everything on a whim. As far back as Thor can remember, his untimely wrath still reigned over much of the Asgard royal guard. Who watched, perfectly helpless, at the surprise barbecue of the brown.

"Yeah, that's all I see," Loki answered innocently. "You know what's good against the fire Thor? Water. Water is good. And the advantage is that there is plenty of it on this planet."

Thor nodded his head.

"So we're leaving?"

"Yes. I am fed up with this forest. And then the other one showed up again. I'm going to move to a place with water. And a little less isolated maybe. It reminds me a little too much of goats," continued Loki, pointing to a young deer jumping past them, probably cursing Loki for burning down his forest. "But the question is where?"

"At the seaside," Thor suggested, starting to walk in the woods. "You won't run out of water there."

"You know what," Loki replied, following in his footsteps, "it's not a bad idea."

"But the Avengers need me, I have to go to New York."

Loki grumbled for a moment. In the insistent gaze of his older brother, he was going to have to accompany him if he wanted to keep his support in his projects.

"All right," he capitulated in front of Thor's begging eyes. "I'm coming with you. I'll find something to do there."

And to the dismay of the superhero team, Loki found himself once again walking around in circles in the Tower.


	7. Loki and driving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on an idea of AkiraRedTiger (ff net) who wanted to see Loki driving.

Loki, arms folded, looked at Tony's car collection with an interested pout. He had taken the elevator to the basement and "just by chance" (after walking through five different levels) fell in front of these little technological gems that individually cost a small fortune. J.A.R.V.I.S. had not considered that the information should be reported to his boss. After all, Loki was only watching. At least at first, he was just watching. Because after the first moments of visual discovery: ohwowowow it is really beautiful this ... Thing... Loki wanted to drive. But he had no idea how these strange little vehicles worked.

Car! That's the word! These vehicles are cars. That said, it couldn't have been that different from an Asgard ship. Loki approached one of the cars and put his hand on the door. He pulled and, to his surprise, nothing happened. Apparently at least because J.A.R.V.I.S. on his side had alerted Tony that an alien was attacking his beloved cars. Loki snapped his fingers, unlocking the vehicle and repeated the gesture. The car door opened without a sound and Loki slid into the leather seat and closed it with a soft slam. He put his hands on the steering wheel, decorated with a logo representing a feline, and his eyes were everywhere. Good. Great, he was sitting in the car, but what should he do now?

Loki pressed several buttons, turned a few more and by chance lowered his window with his elbow. He raised an eyebrow and raised it up, then down, then up again in a hurry when he saw Tony running towards him. Loki tried to start the vehicle as fast as possible, but there were really too many buttons on the dashboard! Even on the doors, the steering wheel or next to the cigarette lighter, what's the point? A left press on a new Loki button turned on the heater just as Tony's hands were resting heavily on the hood. Thanks to the Jaguar's sound insulation, Loki saw him just wiggling around and opening and closing his mouth like an unhappy fish.

Loki laughs, stirring the silent thunderbolts of the genius who came in authority to open the door. More clearly, he came to attack the door that Loki had locked a few minutes ago by pressing the umpteenth button. Loki was having a great time seeing Tony who, in his anger, forgot where he had put the keys to all his cars. Billionaire problems, you see. However, Loki was getting hot. The heating was very efficient and the Jotun could not stand the heat very well. It was very unpleasant. Then Loki opened the door and smoothly exited the vehicle before taking a nonchalant step away. He then let Tony inspect the interior of his Jaguar thoroughly.

After going back up the Tower to complain to Thor about Tony's omnipresence in the building, Loki learned that he wasn't allowed to drive without a license anyway. This was all new to him. On Asgard we didn't bother with this kind of detail. It was so ridiculous. But upon reflection, if Loki wanted to have more autonomy as a "model earthling" (hello SHIELD, look at these sessions in the talk group were awfully effective) being able and knowing how to drive Midgard's vehicles could prove useful. Also after a clarification on the automobile laws with Steve, who had confessed to him that he had to take his license only a few weeks ago - SHIELD suddenly remembered that the soldier had never taken the test and had been driving since he woke up completely illegally - Loki had registered to take the test for... his driver's license. Ah, naive that he had been on the spot. He had thought he could drive almost immediately. But he was soon disillusioned to discover that he had to get his sesame for the license before anything else... His code.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki had formally refused to use the weeks he should have used to train for the code. He specifically said he just wanted to drive as fast as possible. And the very next day, he found himself in front of a tablet in what appeared to be a meeting room.

Loki looked at the people around him while a woman explained how the examination was conducted. It was mostly stressed teenagers and a few adults, one of whom was staring at him, wondering if he hadn't seen him somewhere before... Loki looked back at the woman who told them to pick up their headphones and go whenever they wanted. The Jotun did not wait any longer and began.

A pedestrian approaches the road and doesn't seem to have seen me:

Answer **A** : I stop

Answer **B** : I honk the horn and I pass

Answer **C** : I shift to the other lane without slowing down.

Answer **D** : I am accelerating

Loki tapped without hesitation on the answer D. Never slow down, his golden rule in terms of piloting a ship. No reason why it does not apply outside of Asgard.

In the city center, which age group is the most affected by car accidents?

Answer **A** : under 15 years of age

Answer **B** : 15-25 year olds

Answer **C** : 26-65 year olds

Answer **D** : Those over 65 years of age

Once again Loki selected D. The elderly were a real calamity in the city center. The brown was convinced that some users did not hesitate to speed up if he could touch one.

What is the technical problem causing the abnormal wear of these tires?

Answer **A** : a problem of parallelism

Answer **B** : Under-inflated tires

Answer **C** : Overinflated tires

Answer **D** : Improper tire balancing

Loki stared at the image. Yes indeed there was a problem with these tires. He clicked on answer B. Completely by feeling.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Two days after the examination, Loki, sprawled in a chair, was waiting for the results. And was bored to death. His brother was doing superhero stuff. This involved rescuing people during an extraterrestrial attack, as well as answering interviews. The Stark Phone "kindly" offered by its creator to Loki lit up on an email notification.

The brown one took a look at it. He had his code. Good. To the next one now. Loki jumped out of the chair. It was time to get down to business. He had watched videos on the internet. And as everyone knows, that's perfectly good enough to know how to drive. All that was needed was to prove it to a small mortal and the case was closed. All that was needed was to get to the test site by... Ah well, yes but no. Not by car. Unless...

Tony had responded with great enthusiasm and enthusiasm. He had grabbed the keys to an Audi and accompanied the god to the place of examination. He was now waiting with some excitement for the fateful moment when the Jotun wouldn't get his little piece of paper. No, Loki couldn't get his license the first time. Much too easy and not entertaining enough for the genius. Already he had strangely but easily obtained his code... No, no, no, he had to fail and have to retake the exam. At least a second time. Loki ignored Stark who was waving at him from the window as he walked away and walked towards the building. The moment of truth was near.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Well, we'll move to parallel parking. Here, on the left."

As the first candidate in the front seat was nearing the end of his evaluation, in the back seat, Loki was bubbling and a teenager was panicking. The Jotun had been robbed of first place. So he had to wait for this terribly nervous youngster to maneuver at two an hour in a space big enough to park the car three times. Loki thinks it's best to put the teenager out of his misery as quickly as possible. Anyway, someone so stressed out would be dangerous on the road. With a wave of his hand and under the bewildered gaze of the teenager - it wasn't that common to see hands lighting up - Loki moved a trash can into the driver's blind spot. The car went into it and the teenager crushed the brake pedal. He froze completely, his hands clenched on the steering wheel. The examiner pulled his glasses up over his nose and, looking in his rear-view mirror, made a cross on his paper.

"Hand brake and turn off the engine. Next. »

Loki opened his door and jumped on the drawer. The teenager got out of the car with tears in his eyes, and Loki slipped into his seat without a thought for the young man who would have to retake the exam. He put his hands on the steering wheel and smiled discreetly.

"The mirrors," said the examiner.

Loki glanced at him and slowly adjusted the seat and mirrors. He even quietly put on his seatbelt before starting off on a high speed. The pen, followed a few seconds later by the paper and its holder, fell at the foot of the car school instructor who clung desperately to his door. In the back seat, teenagers tossed around as Loki slalomed between New York cars and cabs hesitated between screaming and crying. Although it was possible to do both at the same time. Loki felt perfectly at ease. He even wanted to put on some music. The examiner finally regained control of his body and brought his foot close to the brake. Loki immediately snapped his fingers. There's no way anyone is going to take control of his vehicle. It was him behind the wheel after all. The brown will accelerate again.

"You can't go 90 in the city center," the man yelped in a high-pitched voice.

"And why not? I have very good reflexes and a resistant constitution, I risk nothing."

"But the pedestrians are! And so are we!"

The monitor tried once again, always in vain, to override the brake. Loki was doing it for his own good. This old man, who also wore glasses, was not at his best. And his vision was not optimal, while Loki's vision was much better than that of the midgardians. When the vehicle finally stopped after half an hour of high-speed torture, Loki turned to the examiner with a big smile that made the examiner shiver.

"As long as I don't have my license," he whispers. "I'll come back and take it with you. Have a nice day!"

He opened the door and left the three humans completely confused - and in the middle of a bridge - under the aggressive honking of other road users. Loki walked back to the Tower, walked along Central Park, thinking the place was pretty nice, and bought a coffee from a street vendor. A beautiful day had just passed for Thor's brother who was sipping his drink on the New York sidewalks.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"It's a disaster," said Tony before drinking a glass of whisky.

He coughed before resuming.

"This guy is a raving lunatic, he's dangerous and he's been given his license."

"It can't be that bad," said the soldier, who was nonchalantly drawing in his notebook.

"Have you ever seen him drive, Steve?"

"No," recognized the blond.

"So don't say that! I. Seen. It. While he was getting his license. It was even on TV! You would have seen it, too, if you weren't in the middle of... I don't even know what you were doing."

"I was at the fairgrounds nearby with Bucky. He's really good at the balloon stand."

"He's great at the balloon booth. What? No, actually that's not important right now. But we'll talk about it later. Come and see."

Tony dragged Steve to the first floor. He then led him to the door leading to the parking lot outside the Tower. As soon as he stepped outside, the blond man opened his eyes wide.

"But... But..."

"You see," cried Tony, who was certainly going to become completely hysterical this time.

"But your car is burning!"

"I know it's burning! I KNOW! And he keeps skidding on the parking lot as if nothing had happened for a good ten minutes!"

Loki, quietly seated behind the steering wheel, smiles as he replaces the sunglasses on his nose. And he could smile, these glasses gave him an extremely cool look. He waved a hand and the black smoke coming out of the engine disappeared, leaving him a clear view of a Tony jumping on the spot screaming at J.A.R.V.I.S to spray the entire parking lot with fire extinguishers. To which artificial intelligence soberly replied -and this is to its credit, even if it is in any case its only intonation- "Sir, I have already used all the stocks to extinguish Mr. Parker's experiments. And I must keep a minimum reserve in case of fire inside the Tower". Steve put a hand -which was meant to be soothing- on the shoulder of the smaller one who was biting his fingers -not really feeling the calm transmitted by this contact- as he watched the car spinning again and again and again leaving more and more tire rubber on the road.

"He's going to kill me. This alien is going to kill me. But before he does, he will have destroyed my entire garage!"

"Tony, you should go back to the Tower and rest away from Loki for a while. When he has emptied his tank, I will make sure he is not allowed near another one of your cars."

Our very dear archer chose this moment to come back from a small stroll in the streets of New York, a hot dog with mustard in hand.

"Tony? Is Loki, who wears sunglasses, which is quite weird, making doughnuts with one of your vintage cars, which is actually burning? No? Because it looks like it anyway," says the brown guy biting his hot dog.

"This is really not the time, Clint," Steve explained with a tight smile, taking Tony by the shoulders and dragging him inside.

"All right... But why is Loki doing this? It gives him an extremely cool side and I'm not sure how to react to this news. Guys?"

Clint turned around and raised an eyebrow. They were gone. Without answering his existential question. Nice team... Clint took another bite while following the vehicle with his eyes. If no one had stopped the Jotun since the time it seemed to be doing that - and at the sight of the extremely numerous traces on the ground, it had been a long time - he could well finish his meal before intervening. If he intervened. He hadn't decided that yet. But one thing was certain, his food was a priority. The SHIELD agent looked for a place to sit and opted for a low wall. He settled down quietly to finish eating.

Clint had been finishing his meal for a good hour and was taking a nap lying all the way down on the low wall when the incessant engine noise and tire squealing finally stopped. The archer straightened up before rubbing his eyes. Loki had gotten out of the car, completely charred - it was now impossible to discern the original color, which was once a beautiful champagne by the way - and, with his fists on his hips, stared at the engine.

"I think you're out of gas," yawned Clint as he approached him. "And then, secondarily, the car just melted in the heat."

"It's poor quality," Loki said, kicking what was left of a tire.

"Huuh... It's not supposed to run when it's on fire. It's not supposed to be on fire at all, by the way."

Loki glanced at him unconvincingly as he raised his sunglasses to the top of his head.

"You don't have water here?"

"For what? Fire? No, we have mostly foam. It's J.A.R.V.I.S. who manages that."

"That confirms what I thought. We need more water."

"Don't tell me about it," sighed the man. "In spite of global warming and rising water levels, we're still short of water. It's an infernal spiral."

Loki squinted his eyes. He couldn't see what the archer was talking about.

"But if you want water, live in a port or a lighthouse. I'm sure you'll get tired of it later. Too much water, too much wind, too much salt, too much sand or rocks..."

Clint listed a few more negative points about life on the waterfront and Loki listened attentively. Nothing he said was a problem for him. He just had to figure out how to get settled near the ocean. Maybe by borrowing a car from Tony? Oh. That's a good idea. Great idea. But before going to the sea for a while, he needed to do one last thing in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not cool with Tony... Poor guy is going to end up in a speaking group too.


	8. Loki lighthouse keeper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With an idea from AkiraRedTiger (FF net) who wanted an explosion on 5th Avenue.

Loki got out and slammed the door of his Audi, a splendid white A7. Oh yes, it wasn't Tony's since he took the keys in his hand. It was his car, his first car even. No, the model that had ended up in the scrapyard because it had been completely burnt down didn't really count. That was more of a test, and a Chevrolet.

Loki was currently located at the corner of Central Park and the beginning of 5th Avenue. And he was smiling. Oh a perfectly stupid idea had crossed his mind as he was driving around in the burning car. And he wanted to put it into practice. It was probably a bad idea. But hey, it would be the first time he had a bad idea.

The cars behind him honked loudly. Any vehicle stopping for more than three seconds became a target for other drivers, as any vehicle stopping for more than three seconds was a potential trigger for another traffic jam. And God knows we have enough traffic jams in this city already. Loki glanced at them with a dark look and made several clones appear, which calmed the drivers. Peacefully. Simply by death threats. Loki was beginning to understand how to behave in society. Don't stab your neighbor. Even if he had difficulty putting this precept into practice.

Loki closed his eyes and multiplied his clones that came to block all the ruins overlooking the avenue. Free field on one of the most beautiful avenues in the world. That was cool. The brown guy got back behind the wheel with a thought for his sunglasses. He should have taken them. Of course he could make a new pair appear but it wouldn't have the same effect. He slowly put his fingers on the leather and started the engine. A second later he was driving along Central Park, a squirrel stopped climbing a tree to watch the white sedan pass in front of him in a flash and resumed his walk.

Loki saw the signs of the famous stores lining the avenue scroll by. He had asked about the brands present and, if his memories were good, after the Apple store which, thanks to its current speed -a little more than one hundred kilometers per hour- he would very soon have reached, he would have to pass in front of the NBA's one. Loki liked basketball.

The Jotun frowned and time seemed to slow down around him. He was heading straight for a tanker truck - which, let's face it, had absolutely no business being there - and even his slightly superhuman reflexes, aided by the Audi's powerful disc brakes, never allowed him to stop in time. Loki could go straight ahead, end up in the truck and cause a huge explosion, turn right to crash into the wall surrounding Central Park or turn left into the window of yet another high-end retailer and devastate their entire store. Amazingly, Loki went headlong into the first option. In addition to his principle of never braking, he also never deviated from his route.

The Audi doesn't slow down for a moment. When the front of the car grazed the truck, green sparks crackled for a brief moment before the sedan crashed violently into the truck. The driver who had jumped out of his vehicle the moment he saw the white car appear at the end of the avenue had barely had time to slip into an adjacent street when the explosion threw him face down. Passers-by, with a sudden survival instinct, had also rushed as far away as possible from the crazy man behind the wheel when he saw him and heard him approaching.

The explosion blew up several billboards, swept away a newspaper vendor's stand and several garbage cans. Hats flew into the sky as people cowered on the ground to escape the metal pieces that would join the hats. When all that remained was a tangle of remnants of a steel carcass that was happily burning, passers-by began to get up.

"Oh my God!" shouted someone who wasn't really being helpful when he said that.

"Call the fire department!" shouted a woman frantically looking for her fallen phone.

"And... The driver?"

Loki raised an eyebrow as he looked at the young man who had asked the question while nonchalantly biting into a doughnut. The dark-haired man looked at his hand holding the doughnut, it was slightly reddened. It was close call this time. The asgardian watched the spectacle of flames and panicked people spreading before his eyes. What? Should he have done something else? No, but he wasn't going to die in a car accident, come on. Don't be ridiculous, that's what magic is for. Loki hadn't learned magic from his mother just to materialize a clone and go running around the palace. The illusion would never have worked on Frigga anyway.

The sirens of the fire, police and ambulance services were already ringing in the city. Several New Yorkers had taken out their smartphones to film the remains of the vehicles. The Jotun looked up at one of the skyscrapers in which what had once been a car door was embedded on the third floor. Had anyone been injured? Miraculously, not seriously no. Loki was beginning to become attached to humans. And no one wants to destroy their favorite toys.

Seeing a child crying because his cheek had been cut by a shard of glass, Loki wiggled his fingers. When his mother leaned towards him, the child nodded as he looked at his fingers, which were no longer stained with blood droplets. Loki took his phone out of his pocket and took a picture of the scene, which was already sealed by the police tapes. He sent it to Tony without comment. The response was not long in coming.

_I was sure it was you! What the hell did you do now?_

Loki smiled joyfully and walked away, passing a fire truck coming as a backup, siren wailing. Getting Tony angry gave him the same joy as when he was annoying his brother.

When Loki returned to the Tower, Tony rushed towards him. The genius seemed to be on edge.

"You there," he shouted. "You take these keys and get out of this city! I don't want to see you here for at least the next few months!"

Loki grabbed the car key on the fly. He looked up. He really didn't want to, but did he have to thank the midgardian for saving him the visit to a car dealership? Anyway, the question was settled because after pushing him in the elevator and giving him an overnight bag, Tony had gone back to his room in a hurry.

The doors closed in front of Loki who nonchalantly inspected the contents of the bag. It was not the first time he had been kicked out of his apartment, he was not going to dwell on this detail. In the bag, obviously decorated with Stark's logo, he found all his clothes and the charger for his phone. Loki was not really a materialist. By the time the elevator dropped him off in front of the underground parking lot, Loki was hesitant. He had just been kicked out of the Tower by Stark. And even though the act itself didn't bother him, the fact that Tony was behind it slightly irritated him. But on the other hand he had gained a new car and an unexpected freedom. His brother still had to stay in the Tower. For the misfortune of the Earth, it was a free electron Loki that settled behind the wheel of a black Jaguar.

"Does anyone know where my brother is?"

"Yes. I got rid of him, at the cost of one of my cars," explained Tony, who seemed much more relaxed than before. "I think the Tower has never been so quiet..."

"Where is he?" Thor scolded.

"Relax Point Break. He's only gone on vacation for a few months. He can survive without you, you can survive without him, I can and I want to live without him. I can and I want to live without him. Everything. Go. Fine. Anyway we'll see him again, he's unable to stay put."

Thor turned back. He had more or less managed to keep Loki under surveillance until then. But now that he had disappeared on Midgard and Tony wasn't planning to look for him, who knows what he would be able to do?

"In the worst case you just have to go and get him," Tony shouted to him as the god disappeared into the corridor.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki threw his phone on the passenger seat. The battery ran out. Pffff. If even Stark couldn't make a real battery, all he had to do was invest in an external battery. A really useful invention, not like most other midgarden ideas. The asgardian slows down when approaching a village. He stopped in front of a man walking his dog, a young collie. The man turned towards him as Loki turned off the radio by rolling down his window.

"Hello," he greeted. "You know that it is the road to take to go to the beach?"

"Oh sure, you take the second left and it will be straight ahead until you reach the water."

"Thank you."

"My pleasure, and very nice car by the way. You don't see many of them around here."

"Thank you" repeated Loki, a little more sincerely this time.

It restarted with a gentle hum and the Jaguar quickly disappeared from the landscape.

Loki parks his car (formerly a timeless from Tony's private collection) near the pier. The wind was blowing as Loki had never seen on Midgard. The air carried salt spray up the coast and swept his hair. Distractedly, the god ran his fingers through his locks and felt grains of sand flying away in the gusts of wind, which had finally caught on to his hair. He smiled when he saw his objective. A lighthouse. A large lighthouse at the end of a pier. A lighthouse that he had bought before sowing panic and destruction on 5th Avenue by borrowing a map from Tony and where he would be alone to meditate on the many failures of the takeover of the world. He would brood about it for hours. Yes, yes, again. We don't like failures in the Odinson family. He would think it over and over until he figured out what was wrong.

Loki pushed the heavy wooden door and began to climb the long spiral staircase. Ignoring the doors along the steps that led to rooms, pantries, and other rooms, he climbed to the top. This was what he missed in his castle. Height. To be able to overlook the world. Probably one of the first problems of his failure. He wasn't high enough. Literally. Loki started by turning off the automatic headlamp switch before doing a real trick on the owner.

At nightfall, he climbed up to the balustrades that surrounded the top of the building. In the distance, he heard the sound of a ship's foghorn.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Tony, we have a problem. For several weeks now, a lot of boats have been running aground."

"And? If the captains don't know how to steer their ships anymore I can't do anything about it. And we're not NAVY either."

"It seems that the problem comes from the lighthouse."

"And?" repeated the billionaire. "We're not electricians, Pep."

"But the lighthouse has recently changed owners. Look who's taking care of it now."

Pepper presented his tablet to Tony who could see a picture of Loki at the top of his lighthouse.

"WHAT? Him again? I thought we were rid of him now that he was living in the forest. I thought he was going to go back there after having destroyed my Camaro and my A7! That's why I let him take my Jaguar..."

"If you hadn't gone to see him he might have stayed there and not damaged one of your cars."

"First he has not "damaged" it but "burned it completely". Then he blew up another one. And finally, you shouldn't live in the past, Pep. I'm going to take care of this story. Where is Thor? Isn't he with him? I thought he went to find him."

"I guess he didn't find him. In the meantime he's negotiating with J.A.R.V.I.S. to let his brother live in the Tower."

"No way," roars Tony.

"I know this may seem hard for you to admit, but at least we'd be keeping an eye on him. And this kind of incident," Pepper tapped the tablet with his finger, "should be less common."

"That's a great idea. You're awesome. I love you."

Tony smiles happily before planting a kiss on Pepper's lips.

"Tony, are you going to do something about it? Report to the ships."

"Oh. I'm going to text him," Tony said as he pulled out his Stark Phone as he spoke.

_Please stop messing around._

_=≡Σ(°□°)_ _︵_

Loki looked at his screen as a second message arrived immediately.

_Hold on a moment. False manipulation_

Loki raised his eyebrows as he looked at the billionaire's text message. For his part, Tony sighed. Peter had added some weird keyboard shortcuts on his cell phone and this kind of misuse happened frequently.

For example in an extremely serious message to Fury: The Avengers have it under control Fury (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ.

But the genius did not have the heart to suppress them. And Peter was always delighted to receive a message from Tony with a smiley face. And if it pleased the little one, Tony had to go on.

_I do what I want._

Loki sent his reply and put his laptop on a table. Then he went outside, he wanted to test something with his magic.

Braving the wind that was blowing stronger and stronger, Loki opened the door and approached the edge of the top of the lighthouse. He leaned forward to see the waves crashing just below him. The ocean was raging and Loki had never felt so close to the elements. He raised one hand and threw a ball of green energy into the water. The light remained visible for several seconds as it sank below the surface. And Loki thought it was really beautiful. So he started again for long minutes with stronger and stronger discharges of energy that went further and further and deeper. After all, there were only fish and shellfish down there.

Hmm.

Or maybe not finally...

The people living at the bottom of the sea did not seem to appreciate Loki's trials. And one morning, as the sun was just rising, Loki had been woken up by screams. In a bad mood, he had come down and went out to face a small delegation of another people. Soldiers at the sight of their outfits and they were not happy. Not happy at all. Loki hadn't tried to be diplomatic, he didn't like being woken up. On the other hand, now he regretted it a little.

Because the Jotun was looking at the ruins of what had once been his lighthouse. Behind his back, the man behind the sudden destruction turned to the ocean. He was tall, had slightly pointed ears and bluish hair.

"Take this as a warning," he let go as he put his trident on the ground. "Next time it will be war."

Loki inflated the cheeks with a sulky pout. It wasn't today that he was going to start listening to what he was told anyway. He had grown up disobedient, it was his trademark. Namor plunged into the scum and disappeared in an instant. The few soldiers who had accompanied him did the same. Loki waited a few seconds and threw a ball of energy in their direction before leaving, head high towards his car. He snapped his fingers and got behind the wheel. Behind his back, the fish men roared and a wave swept over the pier. But Loki was already far away in his Jaguar.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Tony, I have good news and bad news."

"You shouldn't work Pep, I told you before," Tony said with a slight frown.

"It's important."

The genius stared at his wife and nodded his head.

"Okay, go ahead, start with the bad one."

"A study has shown that it is better to start with the right one. So the good news is that Loki is no longer going to run aground the boats and will be under our surveillance here in the Tower. And he's already on his way."

"The part about Loki here is the bad news?"

"No. The bad news is that he has angered the king of Atlantis and he's threatening to start a war against the surface."

" ... He did what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I write an explosion. I think it could have been a lot cooler but the next one will be better, I'm going to practice.  
> I wanted to bring Namor in because he's cool. So there you go. I was able to do what I wanted to do, I'm happy.  
> I know, I know, I put a lot of smileys ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧ Sorry.


	9. Loki handyman

Was Loki used to seeing his dark designs compromised? Yes, undoubtedly, he would never have come to isolate himself on a lighthouse otherwise.

Did he take note of it? Yes, every time. A failure here, a Machiavellian plan thwarted there, everything was well recorded. Of course, it was always so irritating, no matter how many times, one rarely appreciates defeat when one is a god.

Loki was therefore used to finding himself in front of disastrous scenes. And yes, it was often his fault. Sometimes he could have prevented it, very often even because most of the time the course of events was predictable. But then, Loki had to admit, he didn't foresee that the lighthouse would end... just like that. At the same time, did he have to guess by himself that Namor didn't appreciate being invaded on his territory ? No. The Atlantean only had to put up signs to indicate his property, like everyone else. There was no lack of possibilities.

Property of Atlantis, do not enter.

Here lives Namor, god of the oceans, grumbling on the edges.

Please do not cast spells in the ocean. It frightens the fish and my people thank you. Namor, king of Atlantis.

Private corals do not use to make necklaces.

That kind of thing. But no, the fish man had preferred to destroy his lighthouse and leave him a rather aggressive message. If Loki hadn't already come across Attuma, who was a bit more problematic, he would surely have been worried. However, his lack of concern had been replaced by anger. The Atlantean had, the height of impudence, dared to cover his Jaguar with seaweed! Loki was truly indignant about it. It takes rules to govern a world and "don't touch the car" was one of the first.

After a magical cleaning of his car, in short a snap of the fingers later, Loki drove, with his usual caution, to New York.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

As he drove more sensibly through the streets Loki sighed. He had probably left for a long period of boredom. Yippee. Loki may have been doing a little crazy lately, but he wasn't unconscious. After the "slight" incident with Namor he had much more to gain by keeping a low profile for a few weeks. All he had to do was find an occupation that would not be noticed by the Avengers. Maybe open a café? Loki frowned as soon as the idea crossed his mind. Was it really a good idea? Serving drinks to humans all day long wasn't really useful unless he was indoctrinating them? From that point of view, it was worth thinking about. He had some really good ideas that went through his head while he was riding. The hum of the engine was supposed to help him think.

Loki parked his car in a street adjacent to the one facing the Tower and walked in its direction. In the end, even though the reception was likely to be violent and Loki would have preferred a thousand times to stay in his corner, he didn't really know where to go. He knew the Tower, it seemed to be the best solution. And he began to enjoy walking in the crowds of people who were giving life day and night to New York City. If he had bothered to do a little introspection, he would have realized that now he would rather be here than lost in a forest or perched on a lighthouse. Strangely enough... Mortals were beginning to please him. Well, not really "please ", but he could stand them much better than before. He even found himself finding them entertaining without the need to enslave them.

He dodged a child who was walking a very young puppy without looking where he was going. When he came to the door of the Tower he was not sure if the door would open. But it did, revealing a patriotic soldier who raised an eyebrow before inviting him in with a wave of his head.

"Thor is going to be happy to know you're home. Tony a little less."

The Jotun piteously lowered his shoulders and gave the blonde a sorry look. He had worked that sad look for centuries on his brother, no reason why it shouldn't work on the walking flag. Steve gave him a perplexed look in reply and Loki swore mentally. In the end it didn't work on him, with a minimum of hindsight, it was obvious. The dark-haired man returned to his usual neutral air and walked into the hall. He wasn't going to dwell on it after all it was just a detail. Loki slipped into the elevator, not knowing what to expect after starting a war that could spread around the world.

"Well, hello hello," Clint said as Loki stepped out of the elevator. "How was the ocean? Tiring, wasn't it? Anyway, I prefer the countryside."

"I wouldn't say tiring," answered Loki. "Isn't Stark here?"

"He said he was going to try to get away from you as much as possible to stay cool. Births always make you make new resolutions. »

Loki nodded vaguely without really listening to the brown; his main concern was still there.

"And... Report to the Atlanteans?"

"Oh that, Tony declined all responsibility and told SHIELD to take care of it. So we're in the clear, Fury's in charge. Just don't do this every two weeks. End of the world's funny when it only happens once."

Loki looked at the SHIELD agent who went into the living room, probably to watch a movie, and considered following him but recovered. First he had to find an occupation, so he started wandering around the Tower.

After many twists and turns he ends up facing Tony and a young boy. The genius stopped in the middle of a sentence, blinked several times, turned to his companion to make sure he wasn't the only one to see him and, only when he was sure that he had the source of ninety percent of his problems in front of him, he began a proper sermon. Loki listened with one ear, holding in his head a few words like "don't start a world war", "stop causing potentially fatal accidents in the city center", "don't start a war at all", "remember to brush your teeth after a meal", "stay away from him so that he can live more serenely", etc.

Under the admiring eye of the young man, Tony caught his breath and reflected in silence. He took a deep breath as he approached the Jotun.

"You know what, since you obviously love to steal my stuff, I'll leave this whole lab to you. It's a gift," Tony said, placing a metal card in Loki's hands. "It's on the same floor as your room. Enjoy it! Come on Peter, let's go work on your project."

Loki looked at the map while Tony put a hand on the young hero's shoulder as he guided him into the Tower. All right... Tony was getting weirder and weirder. But after all, why not? Loki looked up at the ceiling. Let's see, if everyone did that... Why not him?

"..."

Loki remained fixing the ceiling for several seconds. Damn. What was the voice called again?

"J.A.R.V.I.S, can you order me a pizza?"

"Of course, Mr. Barton. As usual?"

"As usual," confirmed the archer. "You got it, buddy."

"Thank you, sir. I'll let you know when it arrives."

Loki followed with eyes Clint passing in front of him once again.

"Yo the alien," he greeted, playing with one of his arrows that beeped alarmingly. "You still hanging out in the corridors?"

The Jotun frowned as he prepared to answer him, but the archer continued on his way without paying much attention to him. Okay. This time it was for him.

"J.A.R.V.I.S?"

"Yes Mr. Odinson?"

"Where is Stark's abandoned laboratory?"

\- I will guide you there. First take the elevator, it is on the same floor as your room. »

The brown guy mentally confirmed the AI's claims, he remembered that Stark had explained it. And he was glad that he had remembered this information and not the information about how much water he had to consume every day. Loki looked at the automatic doors that had just opened and stepped forward.

When the doors reopened, J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice accompanied him to a door, located quite close to his room.

Loki slid the card along the sensor and the door slid silently. The Jotun passed the doorway and the light was on. The asgardian silently snooped around the lab, lifting a few plans here and a few gizmos there. Tidying up was really not a Stark specialty.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Thor. Did you know that on Midgard witches and witches are supposed to ride on broomsticks?"

"No. But since you already have the right outfit, all you need is the broom."

"Hey! You stop with that," Loki said indignantly.

His attire was quite respectable. More than his brother's anyway. Thor smiled mischievously and Loki grumbled.

"Anyway, I said I was going to make it better."

"Improve what?"

"The broom Thor, are you even listening to me?"

"Yes of course," answered his brother before returning to his training with the Hulk.

The Jotun looked at the two of them as they confronted each other and left the room in a hurry. Loki hated being ignored. The Jotun returned to lock himself up in his laboratory and set about his new task.  
After some rather short experiments, each one more dangerous and approximate than the others, Loki came out of his cave with a strange metallic broom in his hand. He took the elevator and left the tower with his creation. It is in a park that Loki began the first outdoor tests.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHITSHITSHIT! HOW DO I BRAKE HOW DO I BRAKE?!"

Several New Yorkers looked up and saw a semblance of a broom that crashed into a building. Right next to a giant screen where a man was grumbling all day long.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki returned to the Tower, fulminating, his failed broom (almost broken in half) in hand. He tossed it into a corner of the lab and went to sit in his chair. The Prince of Asgard grumbled as he wiped the remaining dust from his clothes. The broom was a failure and his idea to make one was stupid. Midgardian technology was too approximate to give a conclusive result when combined with magic. At least not with so little time.

Loki looked through the many backup disks and the few blueprints that were loose on the desk. He grabbed a disk at random and plugged it into one of the built-in ports directly on the desktop. He opened a file, always randomly because random had the advantage of doing things right, and came across a prototype of an anti-gravity shoe. Loki put his elbows on the desk and looked at the different models Tony had already developed. The genius seemed to have encountered a thorny problem, which was probably why he was using reactors. But no matter how pungent it was, it wasn't a problem that a little magic couldn't solve. Loki took a closer look at the many files in the folder. After all, why not...

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki was delighted. First of all, the aesthetic rendering of the shoes was absolutely masterful thanks to an unstoppable choice of color: black and green with a slight golden touch on the soles; but on top of that, and this was the genius of the thing, they worked. A miracle offered by his science and a little magic boost, undeniably more conclusive than the previous one.

It was a work of art in short. A work of art that the whole world should enjoy. Loki smiled mischievously and looked at his cell phone. He had belatedly discovered social networks; elusive sources of hate spilling, but above all a very accessible means of communication with the whole world. Millions of midgardians lurking in front of their pages, sickly refreshing in the hope of a new trend to follow, a landmark event, an actor's relationships and so many other trivial things.

So many choice targets for the launch of his online brand. The Jotun had to admit it, he was not a little proud of himself. For the time being, he only had one product. And he was still missing a few small changes. It didn't seem appropriate to market flying shoes to the whole city, then the state, then the country and then the world. Most importantly, he needed a team.


	10. Loki (and the Avengers) at the bowling alley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably come out in two weeks, it's vacation time~
> 
> Otherwise today's program will have bowling and a first for me (which stresses me to death but no pressure if it doesn't work I'll just disappear from the internet).

As soon as he woke up, Loki looked to see if he had received any answers to his job applications. Only one notification awaited him. He looked at the profile of his possible future employee. A woman, answering on behalf of Anna and the webdesigner's advertisement.

The god growled as he pulled himself out of bed. He hoped for many more answers. It was as if the common of the mortals did not want to work for the man who had almost destroyed their city. Unbelievable. These humans were really living in the past. Okay, one time... Maybe twice... Well... If he hadn't been stopped, he might have tried to destroyed New-York a third time but let's assume that he didn't and let's say only twice.

Only twice, he had made fairly direct attempts on their quiet little lives. But that was a long time ago! It was... More than a year, more than enough to not hold a grudge against him anymore. After all, he had had to attend some hellish meetings because of it.

Today he had even moved on. Almost moved on, to be more exact. Bad habits have a hard time in this world, even for the gods. And that god always had a little trouble changing his little habits. Especially the donut/coffee at breakfast. Loki dressed himself with a magical snap of his finger and left his room for the living room of the Tower.

The rest of its residents had become accustomed to seeing him on a daily basis and no longer paid any attention to him. This was a godsend for Loki, who could live his life as a self-entrepreneur in the making without being bothered by anyone.

Loki walked through the sliding door into the living room and saw a brown teenager. Hmm. There was someone who could bothered him. The god discreetly faded away to reach the bar without being stopped by an overexcited Peter. He settled down quietly, coffee and phone in hand while Spider-Man had a lively conversation with a Steve reading the newspaper, a Clint who was probably sleeping behind his sunglasses, and a Tony with strangely tired eyes.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Come on! It's awesome!"

Loki quietly drank the end of his cup without paying attention to the young hero who had been making propaganda for bowling since he had arrived. Let someone else give him the attention he was asking for, he had other things to do. Finding out who Anna really was, for example. He had a strange feeling.

"What do we bet for the losers?" suddenly suggested the archer who woke up smelling the donuts Loki had eaten.

The ear of the asgardien suddenly became more attentive. Any bets? Interesting. The proposals of the Avengers were a distressingly mundane but if he added a personal touch, it would quickly become more spicy.

"Thor, are you coming?"

"Of course!" exclaimed the god who had returned from an air patrol a few moments earlier.

Obviously! The blond guy wasn't going to miss an opportunity to take on Bruce, well, Hulk. He was a formidable opponent in bowling.

A spark ignited in Loki's eyes as he finally put his empty cup back on the table. If his brother came it was the perfect opportunity to beat him and force him to do what he wanted under cover of a bet. The god put a hand on his chin with a mischievous look on his face. It was very interesting. His phone turned on for a moment. Loki looked at the screen with a disinterested look. A new notification which concerned the famous Anna. The asgardien put his phone in his pocket without going further, he would have time to look at it after having laminated Thor in a bowling game. He suddenly frowned. Maybe we should know what it took to win in this game? Well, his instincts didn't need that kind of information.

However, because his instinct still appreciated more details, Loki took advantage of the trip and found out more on the internet.

He noted that all the pins had to be knocked down in one go. It was therefore sufficient to aim at the first pin. Easy when you've been through military training with a lot of precision exercises and, of course, you've mastered magic.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Tony... Have you privatized the bowling alley?" asked Black Widow as she looked at the lanes, all empty.

"No, I bought it."

"... Why did you buy it?"

"You never know, it might be useful."

"But no one has ever said that," says Clint, staring at him. "Bowling? Useful? It's fun but it's not... Useful."

"I'll take this lane," Peter said cheerfully.

"Finally someone who appreciates my choices at their true value! You see," said Tony looking at his team, "that's how you should be."

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Strike! Yeah!"

Loki smiles softly in front of Peter's radiant face. He conveyed an ever-communicative joy. The young man ran a hand through his hair as he looked at his already impressive score.

"It's your turn, Mr. Loki."

"You can simply call me Loki."

"Yes, sir," Peter replied, sitting down.

In the background, the other Avengers were also playing. Clint was playing alone on a track. No one wanted to play against him because of course he never missed. Strikes were piling up next to his name. The archer, with a smoothie in his hand and a straw in his mouth, threw a new ball that knocked down all the pins.

"Hey Nat! Guess what, I made a strike," he said to the redhead who was playing with Bruce and Thor on the next lane.

The spy raised an eyebrow as she looked at him and threw in her turn. All the pins fell and she smiled at her partner.

"Nothing incredible," she replied.

"It's depressing playing with you," sighed the scientist as he watched his last shot go straight down the gutter.

Bruce looked up with a contrite look at his score. He wasn't really good at this game. Thor put one arm on his shoulders and smiled. He wasn't really good at it either - it seemed like brute force wasn't enough - but he was delighted with the few small points he had over the scientist.

Clint turned his back to the track and threw without even looking under the admiring gaze of Peter who tried to reproduce the archer's feat. Failure of course. His spidey-sense was useless in this kind of situation and therefore perfectly incomparable with the aiming talent of the SHIELD agent. This did not prevent him from trying a second time in the next round.

On a track further on, Steve had proposed to his best friend to join the little impromptu outing.

"Strike," announced the winter soldier as he left the track to sit down.

"And you're still ahead," Steve noted looking at the scoreboard.

Tony suddenly approached them.

"Hey Steve, remember that fairground story?"

"Fairground?"

"I told you we'd talk about it again, you could make the effort to remember it... Anyway, you know when..."

The billionaire made a fuzzy hand gesture as he pointed to Loki, who smiled as he saw that he was well ahead of his brother.

"That thing demolished one of my cars."

"Oh yes indeed we were at the fairground because..."

"Because he's very good at the balloon stand. I know. But why would he... Why is he good at that, too?"

"We spend most of our free time playing. Bowling, billiards or in the fairground stands."

"Do you? I never would have believed it."

"What?" said Bucky. "A former murderer isn't allowed to earn cuddly toys by shooting sawed-off guns?"

"That pretty much sums it up," Tony confirmed. "Good point."

"I'm extremely good at bingo," said in all seriousness the winter soldier.

Steve nodded his head.

"You... "

Tony took a moment to assimilate the news.

"You play bingo? No but what's next, Sunday lunchtime Scrabble game with grandparents?

"It's true that we play regularly with Harriet," confided Cap'tain America.

"She's very talented."

"Help," moans the philanthropist before leaving backwards.

"And Geraldine, dreadful Geraldine. She follows the words that enter the authorized vocabulary in a game. She is always one step ahead."

"It's okay, he's too far away to hear us," says the brown.

The two soldiers banged their fists against each other with laughter. No, they did not meet Geraldine twice a week for a frenzied game of Scrabble. It was just for the pleasure of seeing Tony's face in front of such an unlikely revelation. Concerning the bingo on the other hand... Bucky became very competitive when he participated and was interested in the reward. Sometimes a little too much; the former Hydra member could boast of being banned from several bingo halls in the city and even in other states.

Peter, on the other hand, had just missed his third shot and was on the verge of depression. Yes, a bowling loss is hard to manage. Tony immediately forgot the strange anecdotes of the two fossils and returned to his role as a compassionate mentor.

"It's not so bad," he said, offering comfort. "Your score is pretty high."

"But Mr. Loki is standing in front of me even though he had never bowled before!"

Tony turned his head to the god who was about to throw. Loki stopped dead in his tracks, his arm outstretched, to stare at the superhero.

"What?" he said, lowering his arm.

Tony moved sharply towards him.

"Hey, alien, you could let the kid win."

Loki rolled his eyes and let go of the ball which rolled slowly and fell into the gutter.

"Oh damn, I missed," he said in a voice so full of irony that almost made Tony laugh.

Behind the men's backs a poorly concealed scream of joy could be heard. They turned their heads to see a Spider-Man in victory posture.

"Are you all right, Peter?"

"Huh?"

The teenager put his hands behind his back and looked serious.

"Yes, yes, everything is fine. No problem," he smiled, but still stamping his feet at Loki's score, which hadn't moved.

The young hero suddenly takes his phone out of his pocket and his face decomposes in an instant.

"Oh."

He put his cell phone away, looking suddenly serious.

"I have to go now."

"Homework to hand in?"

"No, a radioactive Russian woman," Peter said before leaving, retrieving his backpack.

"Did he say "a radioactive Russian"?"

"That's what I heard," Loki whispered before getting ready to launch again.

Peter wasn't there anymore, that wasn't going to stop him from kicking his brother's ass. Tony in the corner had taken his phone out to see if any big bad guys had attacked Queens recently. All he came across was an article with a blurry picture of a girl named Meltdown*.

"Who's that?" mumbled Tony as he detailed the photo more carefully.

He squinted as he reflected. He didn't remember ever hearing of her. The billionaire looked up from his phone for a moment.

"Hey, that's cheating," he shouted.

"What now?" Loki grumbled.

"You're out of line!"

The god lowered his eyes to his feet, which were indeed biting down on the line.

"And you don't even have the right shoes," Iron Man realized.

"I wasn't going to put on those..."

The brown remained fixed in front of the bowling shoes.

"It's really despicable," he finally said with a disgusted expression. "Mine are much better."

And for good reason, the brown man still wore his famous flying shoes.

"You're exaggerating," said Clint, who was resting after another perfect score.

The archer raised one foot in the air as he sank into his armchair and contemplated the bright colors of his shoe.

"Mine are stylish."

Natasha slowly shook her head to deny what her teammate was saying. Loki, on his side, decided to levitate and went a little further down the track.

"It was even worse than before," grumbled Tony as he watched.

"I didn't go over the line."

"You're flying right over it. That's cheating."

"On Asgard," Loki began.

"Yes all right, we know it's nonsense on your planet but here we are on Earth!"

"One point for Tony," Natasha shouted as she walked away to order a drink.

After a heated exchange on the ban on flying shoes during a bowling game, the rest of the day went without major hiccups. And to Thor's disappointment, the Hulk made no appearance.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki had to admit, he was more used to walking around Manhattan than Queens. Yet it was in a café in Forest Hills that he had made an appointment with the webdesigner. The god had already been settled for a few minutes when his appointment finally arrived.

"I could feel that something was wrong with this story," he mumbled, crossing his arms.

A tall blonde woman, dressed in shades of green and gold, sits in front of him smiling. She took off her sunglasses, tinting her many gold bracelets around her wrists, and unveiled a look as green as that of her corset. Loki raised an eyebrow in front of her outfit, not really ideal to go unnoticed according to him. The god had become accustomed to the customs and styles of earthly dress and blended in much better than when he arrived.

"It had been a long time, Loki. Have you ordered yet?"

"What are you doing on Midgard? Your existence is not supposed to be a secret here?" asked Loki without answering his question.

"Neither is yours, Mr. Manhattan. Waiter! A latte please. Loki?"

The god sighed.

"An espresso," he finally says.

The blonde moved her head.

"Such a sad choice."

"Why did you answer my ad?"

"Because I'm a webdesigner?"

"It doesn't make sense."

"No more than you as a self-employed entrepreneur and yet... Here we are both sitting around a coffee."

The blonde squinted her eyes.

"It takes a long time for this coffee to arrive."

"You're still as impatient as ever, Am..."

"My name is Anna on Midgard," she cut away, giving him a disappointed look. "You could make the effort to respect my secret identity."

Loki frowned and opened his mouth when a car drove by on the street.

"Watch out," Spider-Man shouted as he stopped the car with his webs.

Aghast, the god followed him with his eyes.

"Do you know him?" asked the webdesigner.

"You could say that."

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Peter threw a final web to ensure the car's stability and leapt against a building to gain height over his opponent.

"If you could stop attacking civilians it would be really good!" he shouted to the masked woman who approached him quietly.

She was wearing a green outfit, resolutely adapted to its radioactive power.

"Me?" she said in a voice slightly distorted by her mask. "Excuse me, but I've never seen anyone do such a thing. On the other hand I saw you behind flying cars. Isn't that strange? On these pictures you could even believe that it's you who uses them to destroy the city. JJ would love to see these pictures. I should send him..."

Peter gave her a desperate look under his mask.

"How can people think you're a superhero?"

"But because I am," she answered, smiling coldly under her mask. "And because people are gullible... I'm a heroine trying to stop the spider from destroying an entire neighborhood. Now get off your perch, wimp!"

Peter took his hands off the windows of the building he had taken refuge in.

"I have to get him away from the people," he muttered in his mask.

"My patience is running out Spider-Boy. And I don't really want to waste my time with you."

"Man! It's Spider-Man! And with a dash," he added after a short silence. "No because sometimes people forget the dash."

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

In the distance, Loki, who was levitating several meters from the ground - yes, he never left his shoes, he had done well to make several pairs -, observed the young hero leaping towards Flushing Meadows, the woman wearing a mask sticking to him. Spider-Man quickly disappeared in a sharp turn and the god remained for a moment in the air, wondering what was going on.

For his part, Peter was swinging between the buildings, thinking at full speed. The park is already open to the public. However, the zoo would soon open its doors and the spider was counting on this attraction to gather as many people as possible in the northern part of the park. It would thus have the south and the two lakes available. Peter had grown up in this neighborhood and had often walked near these lakes. He would have, or at least he hoped he would, the advantage of the terrain. This would not be too much to manage Meltdown, especially since she seemed to be in a particularly bad mood today.

With one last web, Peter left the streets and plunged straight into the greenery. He came dangerously close to the ground and touched it with his fingertips for a moment before regaining some height among the trees. The super villain was still following him, only a few meters away from him.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Near the café, Loki started his descent. Anna looked at him, head up and hands on her hips.

"We were having a conversation!"

The brown ignored her royally and landed on the ground.

"Am I at least hired?" asked the blonde, camping out in front of him.

He pouting. He didn't really have a choice anyway, she was the only candidate.

"We'll say that. I'll get back to you," he said as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are generally good at bowling, I counted a lot of strikes.
> 
> Overall bowling exit ranking :
> 
> 1st: Clint, with a perfect score of 300 in each game.
> 
> 2nd: Nathasa, tied with Bucky
> 
> 4th: Loki, subsequently relegated to last place due to proven cheating
> 
> 5th : Steve
> 
> 6th : Tony, who would have taken the fifth place if he had not let Peter win
> 
> 7th : Thor
> 
> 8th : Bruce
> 
> 9th : Peter, put out of the race for heroic reason
> 
> *Misha (or Meltdown under her super villain identity) is an OC belonging to Rorokonaa, an absolutely incredible French artist (check out what she's doing on her Instagram account to see what Misha looks like but mostly because her drawing style is just *-*) who adorably allowed me to use it :)
> 
> If you pass by Roro, you're amazing! (luckily Misha didn't kill Peter here *glups*)
> 
> It's the first time I use an OC that doesn't belong to me I'm ... (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻


End file.
